Shallow men need not apply

It is just amazing to me how quickly giddiness can turn to heartache. How quickly high school comes back and out of people you never thought were capable.


I may be a big girl but that does not mean my feelings are any more protected from hurt than the size 0 you imagine yourself with. I live in the real world so I try not to be surprised when things like this happen but tonight I let giddiness get in the way.


High school, some 35 years ago had its ups and downs.  I was a brown haired, blue-eyed cutie pie then. By today's standards no...but then size 9 was the ideal.  Marching and running around with friends kept all the stuff in good shape.  Then pregnancy x2, life and health issues hit...along with sitting at a desk 8-10 hours a day.  Nope, not whining.  This is who I am and I own it.  I understand I am not the ideal and it WAS fine with me. Then hurricane asshat hit.


Today I had to call on someone I used to know and found myself flirting...more because that is what I do and have always done. I am a terrible flirt. This particular someone was a person I have had a crush on for eons. Nothing ever came of it...but a girl can dream!


Then the questions...you used to have a nice figure, what are your measurements now... How is your hair color??  I stammered...told him that the years had not always been kind, nor the junk food. That I was fluffier (thank you Gabriel Iglesias) than in high school ... and that I had no clue or reason to know my measurements now.  A lifelong affection for this man was just consumed in a few stupid ass words.  Shallow much?  I am so much more than my measurements.  I am a professional woman, I am a great mother and a very intelligent person and you are reducing ME to a piece of tail and expecting that IF I am still a size 9 I would be impressed.  Wrong.

Well it is obvious someone hasn't quite developed as one would have wished.  One should never reduce people to their ideal, no one can withstand that level of scrutiny.  The fact remains that now where I was giddy to be speaking to this person, now I am incredibly saddened at the person he appears to have become.


I hate that this hurt me and that I ever called him...but tomorrow I will graciously call and let him off whatever hook he feels like he is hanging on. I would never do to him what he has done to me and I am certainly more wicked with my tongue than he could ever dream of being. I am also far more than he will ever deserve.

Ah, the joys of dating...again.  Internet dating...even better (or not). I thought perhaps internet dating would give me the opportunity to "get to know" someone a little better and in particular that it would ease that first date awkwardness.  Sigh...I didn't consider the awkward email communications or chats.   One of my new "friends" sent me the questionnaire below thinking it would help him know me better.  When I bristled at the questions (you'll see why), he told me I misunderstood him.  That the questions were for me???  Really?  

 * here is the text of THAT email...

Whatever your looking for (Lover,Life Partner) these questions will help me, understand...

Why do you use the Internet to find a man? 

How many men do you want to find? 

How do you feel about women who sleep with a lot of men?

Do you care about finding the perfect man?

Have you dated more than one man at a time?

Are you comfortable talking about sex?

Is sex a big deal with you? 

Do you have tattoos? 

Do you feel that you will not find to right man to support you?

Growing up, did you have a strong male figure in your family? 

Do you daydream about love and romance, and how your life will be in the future?

 

He sent me his responses and no, they did not make the questions any better...  Some of his answers made no sense. I especially liked the finding the perfect man question...and the finding the right man to support me. I sent him my own questions...#1 of which was ... Do YOU have a job? Car? Home?  LOL.  Yes I was being facetious and hoping he would call me on it but ... he did not.


I have waited a while to post this...as I am now seeing someone I met through an internet dating site. (I can assure you he did not send any questions like this...)  Thought internet daters out there would enjoy AND take heed.  If he starts out with questions like this he probably has some issues... just a few. But that's just me. 


Till next time!

Shirts not optional

After reading the blog written by American Bridget Jones and her fun with internet dating (from the 30 something perspective) I thought I should search the pickins on Match for the 50+ crowd.  Now I can certainly understand and appreciate the fact that we aren't 20 or 30 and that NONE of us probably look like we did when we were younger.  That said, I fail to understand the logic of showing exactly HOW much we don't look like 30 something anymore.

To support that statement, I give you bachelor number 1...the picture below is his profile picture.  Who, after seeing the shirtless well...HORROR, can even begin to take a peek at his about me section.  I mean...your shirt appears to be hanging on the back of your chair...why not put it on???  Did you really think appearing shirtless was a way to "catch" women at your age. Sorry Bub but you are missing the washboard abs and the gun biceps...we may be in our 50's but we haven't totally lost all sense of what is and isn't sexy.

Ok..sorry to put you all through this, but there are more... Yes MORE I am so sorry to say.  Another shirtless wonder ... Ewwwwwwwwwww.  Here we have the cowboy stud (try not to laugh too hard, you are gonna need oxygen when we get to number three).  Bachelor number two seems to think that sucking the gut in and striking a pose with a cowboy hat makes you sexy.  Unfortunately its probably been years since this cowboy's wrangler butt drove any girls, women or 80 year old grammys nuts. I mean SERIOUSLY, I don't know you, don't assume I want you to start undressing before I finish reading your profile... that is if I haven't put the laptop in the oven after seeing your picture.

Now as I said to begin with, I am willing to overlook the fact that none of us are 30 somethings anymore. I understand aging...it happens to us all. What we make of ourselves as we age makes all the difference.  That said, I just CANNOT get past Bachelor number three's profile picture. Part of me wanted to message him and ask if this is really him.

Ok...now that you have spewed whatever you were drinking through your nose, all over your desk and possibly into your keyboard....I have to apologize again. I am truly not a finicky or selfish person., but DUDES ... seriously???? Match, I think it would have been much more humane for you to disallow these pictures by sending the standard "she's just not into ewwwwwwwwww"  save your money and move along bub.

Now, all I have to do is hope that the bachelor crew above doesn't think I was checking them out because I had romance in mind! If that happens I will have to kill my Match account.

Another weekend going going gone

It has been far too long since I shared anything.  Things around here have been stressful...but some humor always finds its way in to the mix.

Case in point, I had to take a trip home in January. My 80 year old mom, matriarch of the clan, had a lumpectomy to remove a cancerous tumor in her breast.  All I can say is ... all hail Susan B. Komen and every other organization who has supported breast cancer research. While she still has some radiation and possibly some chemo to do...early detection was key in my being able to see the humor in what happened. Lesson learned - do not forget those monthly self exams ladies!

My parents taught me that you should always look your best...you never can be sure when opportunity will knock and when it does....you gotta look like you were expecting it.  Sooo, in that spirit, at 4 a.m. on the day of my mom's surgery, after a mostly sleepless night, I got up and went through the motions of putting my makeup on and curling my hair.  As I was staring at the mirror asking myself WHY oh why was I going to all this trouble to spend the day in some waiting room - I heard a little voice say....cuz you want to be ready if that handsome doctor comes in!!!  So as I snickered to myself, I applied an extra coat of my makeup (it was going to be a very long day!).

So, things were as uneventful as they could be for most of the morning. Mom was moved from lab to x-ray to  here and there.  Finally the time came to go to the surgery waiting. After a while, it was finally time to get wheeled in to surgery one of the nurses and a nurse anesthetist came to pick her up. The nurse anesthetist showed mom the preop shots he was going to give her. We chatted a minute and he said it was time to give good bye kisses.  Mom thought he was too cute and from there in her hospital bed was trying to get me to flirt with him...when it became obvious that I was woefully out of practice, she interceded and introduced me to him... As he wheeled her out to the surgery suites i couldn't help but smile...ever the mom, even when going under the knife, she was still looking to set me up. When she came out of surgery she commented on what a cutie the "hippie" nurse had been (he was wearing a print surgical cap).

Yes mom, he was cute but I really didn't come home to shop for the next Mr. Right.

Here's to another week. May it be a healthy one for us all.