55 at 55

My beautiful, loving daughter Erin and her friend Kenna were talking about their moms and the topic of LIVING came up. They realize now that "living" life is sometimes put on hold when you become a parent. Once you have kids your life changes (mostly because you learn that you never really were the center of the universe and it is definitely no longer all about you). It is somewhere in a sea of orthodontist appointments, band rehearsals, teacher conferences, sleep overs, Christmas programs and football games that you lose yourself and become "____'s mom." I am no less guilty of getting lost in it all and readily confess that my children are now and have always been (since I first laid eyes on those big beautiful eyes) my reason for drawing breath. However finding yourself again after so many years of running a household can be daunting.

Erin (L) and Kenna (R) ... circa 3/2011

While it is true that I managed to go back to college when the kids were still home, get my Paralegal degree and then continue on to get my Bachelors degree, it was not an easy road. Now I find that I am entrenched in an endless cycle of same old, same old, day in and day out.  Same hair, same tired body, same car, same experiences every day.  As a parent, I had a schedule, a rhythm that I needed to maintain to keep the kids, house, critters and pandemonium moving ever forward. The days were different because the kids were growing and the challenges associated with them kept a mom on her toes. With the kids (and critters) all gone, life is flat. Erin and Kenna recognize this, understand that we are stuck in the muck ... They can see that now their moms have the time to live life and actually do the things we have put off, ignored or honestly never considered because we ARE moms. 

As I sit here today I realize that I never started living again after my kids grew up. I was so accustomed to the mom cycle that I didn't realize I was lost.  So here is my list of 55 things at 55 that we have been working on.  Some things will have to be modified due to affordability and scheduling but I am going to get through 55 of them.   I have included a few alternates on my list, just in case.  Here goes:

Health and Beauty

1. Colonoscopy - IMPERATIVE and have been putting this off long enough.
2. Lose at least 30% of current weight.
3. Chemical peel.
4. Get long term false eyelashes.
5. Learn Tai Chi. 
6. Mud bath/wrap.
7. Take a salsa dance class.
8. Take a swing dance class.
9. Go skiing.
10. Do the Color Run.
11. Try a sweat lodge.
12. Archery.
13. Yoga.
14. Hot Yoga.
15. Laser lipo treatment(s).
16. Wear a fun wig for a day.
17. New bold hair cut or color (or both)!

 Financial

   18.  Pay off one credit account.
   19.  Research and invest in a stock.
   20.  Consolidate student loans.
   21.  Buy a house.
   22.  Buy new car.
   23.  See financial planner.
   24.  Minimize crap/consolidate before move.

Work

   25.  Learn Summation database software.

Hobby/Crafting
   
   26.  Learn to knit.
   27.  Learn to sew.
   28.  Make stained glass.
   29.  Take a cooking class.
   30.  Re-purpose something into something else!!!

Life Experience/Fun stuff

  31.  Do a Glam/Pinup photo shoot.
  32.  Attend a music festival (Rock in Rio).
  33.  PBR Rodeo event.
  34.  Go geo-caching.
  35.  Learn wine appreciation.
  36.  Steve Harvey show/Chicago.
  37.  Audition for Wheel of Fortune.
  38.  Be an extra for a movie.
  39.  Ride the tram.
  40.  Take firearms class/get concealed carry license.
  41.  Karaoke.
  42.  McCall's in October.
  43.  Go to the Mal Pais/Volcanoes.
  44.  Dress up for dia de los muertos.
  45.  Set up home office.
  46.  Decorate my bedroom.
  47.  Get a corset.
  48.  Volunteer at V.A., Watermelon Ranch, ASPCA...
  49.  Write and submit opinion piece to a newspaper.
  50.  Spend the weekend at the Stanley Hotel in Colorado.
  51.  Pay it forward (NICK 3 someones - for info see https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nicks-Epic-Battle-to-Defeat-Osteosarcoma/511809668865876).
  52.  Make moonshine.
  53.  Get new tattoo.
  54.  Get new piercing.
  55.  Read a classic - Frankenstein, Alice in Wonderland

  56. Zip lining
  57.  Eat a Voodoo donut in Portland
  58.  Play messy Twister
  69.  Learn a foreign language
  60.  Take a martial arts class.
  61.  Take the LSAT ... again.
  62.  Take the GMAT.
  63.  Write a weekly blog.
  64.  Visit a brewery.

 Well, there you have it ... 55 things in my 55th year. My love and thanks to my kids for nudging me along.  I will update my progress, complete with photographs, in a monthly blog.

Here's to life!  Live it, love it ... get messy and enjoy it!!!

Shallow men need not apply

It is just amazing to me how quickly giddiness can turn to heartache. How quickly high school comes back and out of people you never thought were capable.


I may be a big girl but that does not mean my feelings are any more protected from hurt than the size 0 you imagine yourself with. I live in the real world so I try not to be surprised when things like this happen but tonight I let giddiness get in the way.


High school, some 35 years ago had its ups and downs.  I was a brown haired, blue-eyed cutie pie then. By today's standards no...but then size 9 was the ideal.  Marching and running around with friends kept all the stuff in good shape.  Then pregnancy x2, life and health issues hit...along with sitting at a desk 8-10 hours a day.  Nope, not whining.  This is who I am and I own it.  I understand I am not the ideal and it WAS fine with me. Then hurricane asshat hit.


Today I had to call on someone I used to know and found myself flirting...more because that is what I do and have always done. I am a terrible flirt. This particular someone was a person I have had a crush on for eons. Nothing ever came of it...but a girl can dream!


Then the questions...you used to have a nice figure, what are your measurements now... How is your hair color??  I stammered...told him that the years had not always been kind, nor the junk food. That I was fluffier (thank you Gabriel Iglesias) than in high school ... and that I had no clue or reason to know my measurements now.  A lifelong affection for this man was just consumed in a few stupid ass words.  Shallow much?  I am so much more than my measurements.  I am a professional woman, I am a great mother and a very intelligent person and you are reducing ME to a piece of tail and expecting that IF I am still a size 9 I would be impressed.  Wrong.

Well it is obvious someone hasn't quite developed as one would have wished.  One should never reduce people to their ideal, no one can withstand that level of scrutiny.  The fact remains that now where I was giddy to be speaking to this person, now I am incredibly saddened at the person he appears to have become.


I hate that this hurt me and that I ever called him...but tomorrow I will graciously call and let him off whatever hook he feels like he is hanging on. I would never do to him what he has done to me and I am certainly more wicked with my tongue than he could ever dream of being. I am also far more than he will ever deserve.

Ah, the joys of dating...again.  Internet dating...even better (or not). I thought perhaps internet dating would give me the opportunity to "get to know" someone a little better and in particular that it would ease that first date awkwardness.  Sigh...I didn't consider the awkward email communications or chats.   One of my new "friends" sent me the questionnaire below thinking it would help him know me better.  When I bristled at the questions (you'll see why), he told me I misunderstood him.  That the questions were for me???  Really?  

 * here is the text of THAT email...

Whatever your looking for (Lover,Life Partner) these questions will help me, understand...

Why do you use the Internet to find a man? 

How many men do you want to find? 

How do you feel about women who sleep with a lot of men?

Do you care about finding the perfect man?

Have you dated more than one man at a time?

Are you comfortable talking about sex?

Is sex a big deal with you? 

Do you have tattoos? 

Do you feel that you will not find to right man to support you?

Growing up, did you have a strong male figure in your family? 

Do you daydream about love and romance, and how your life will be in the future?

 

He sent me his responses and no, they did not make the questions any better...  Some of his answers made no sense. I especially liked the finding the perfect man question...and the finding the right man to support me. I sent him my own questions...#1 of which was ... Do YOU have a job? Car? Home?  LOL.  Yes I was being facetious and hoping he would call me on it but ... he did not.


I have waited a while to post this...as I am now seeing someone I met through an internet dating site. (I can assure you he did not send any questions like this...)  Thought internet daters out there would enjoy AND take heed.  If he starts out with questions like this he probably has some issues... just a few. But that's just me. 


Till next time!

Shirts not optional

After reading the blog written by American Bridget Jones and her fun with internet dating (from the 30 something perspective) I thought I should search the pickins on Match for the 50+ crowd.  Now I can certainly understand and appreciate the fact that we aren't 20 or 30 and that NONE of us probably look like we did when we were younger.  That said, I fail to understand the logic of showing exactly HOW much we don't look like 30 something anymore.

To support that statement, I give you bachelor number 1...the picture below is his profile picture.  Who, after seeing the shirtless well...HORROR, can even begin to take a peek at his about me section.  I mean...your shirt appears to be hanging on the back of your chair...why not put it on???  Did you really think appearing shirtless was a way to "catch" women at your age. Sorry Bub but you are missing the washboard abs and the gun biceps...we may be in our 50's but we haven't totally lost all sense of what is and isn't sexy.

Ok..sorry to put you all through this, but there are more... Yes MORE I am so sorry to say.  Another shirtless wonder ... Ewwwwwwwwwww.  Here we have the cowboy stud (try not to laugh too hard, you are gonna need oxygen when we get to number three).  Bachelor number two seems to think that sucking the gut in and striking a pose with a cowboy hat makes you sexy.  Unfortunately its probably been years since this cowboy's wrangler butt drove any girls, women or 80 year old grammys nuts. I mean SERIOUSLY, I don't know you, don't assume I want you to start undressing before I finish reading your profile... that is if I haven't put the laptop in the oven after seeing your picture.

Now as I said to begin with, I am willing to overlook the fact that none of us are 30 somethings anymore. I understand aging...it happens to us all. What we make of ourselves as we age makes all the difference.  That said, I just CANNOT get past Bachelor number three's profile picture. Part of me wanted to message him and ask if this is really him.

Ok...now that you have spewed whatever you were drinking through your nose, all over your desk and possibly into your keyboard....I have to apologize again. I am truly not a finicky or selfish person., but DUDES ... seriously???? Match, I think it would have been much more humane for you to disallow these pictures by sending the standard "she's just not into ewwwwwwwwww"  save your money and move along bub.

Now, all I have to do is hope that the bachelor crew above doesn't think I was checking them out because I had romance in mind! If that happens I will have to kill my Match account.

Another weekend going going gone

It has been far too long since I shared anything.  Things around here have been stressful...but some humor always finds its way in to the mix.

Case in point, I had to take a trip home in January. My 80 year old mom, matriarch of the clan, had a lumpectomy to remove a cancerous tumor in her breast.  All I can say is ... all hail Susan B. Komen and every other organization who has supported breast cancer research. While she still has some radiation and possibly some chemo to do...early detection was key in my being able to see the humor in what happened. Lesson learned - do not forget those monthly self exams ladies!

My parents taught me that you should always look your best...you never can be sure when opportunity will knock and when it does....you gotta look like you were expecting it.  Sooo, in that spirit, at 4 a.m. on the day of my mom's surgery, after a mostly sleepless night, I got up and went through the motions of putting my makeup on and curling my hair.  As I was staring at the mirror asking myself WHY oh why was I going to all this trouble to spend the day in some waiting room - I heard a little voice say....cuz you want to be ready if that handsome doctor comes in!!!  So as I snickered to myself, I applied an extra coat of my makeup (it was going to be a very long day!).

So, things were as uneventful as they could be for most of the morning. Mom was moved from lab to x-ray to  here and there.  Finally the time came to go to the surgery waiting. After a while, it was finally time to get wheeled in to surgery one of the nurses and a nurse anesthetist came to pick her up. The nurse anesthetist showed mom the preop shots he was going to give her. We chatted a minute and he said it was time to give good bye kisses.  Mom thought he was too cute and from there in her hospital bed was trying to get me to flirt with him...when it became obvious that I was woefully out of practice, she interceded and introduced me to him... As he wheeled her out to the surgery suites i couldn't help but smile...ever the mom, even when going under the knife, she was still looking to set me up. When she came out of surgery she commented on what a cutie the "hippie" nurse had been (he was wearing a print surgical cap).

Yes mom, he was cute but I really didn't come home to shop for the next Mr. Right.

Here's to another week. May it be a healthy one for us all.

Must Love Dogs?

Welcome everyone!!!  This is my first attempt at blogging.  The title, Wasted Days, Wasted Nights and Wasted Cleavage, was a suggestion from a friend, co-worker and  blogger veteran Tiff. I decided to run with it -- I have some cleavage to spare. I'm here to share my dating experiences...particularly the internet dating scene as well as some advice about internet dating.

I got the idea of trying internet dating because I am one of "those" people who is always on a computer and never has time to get OUT in a more traditional sense. Plus, I thought it might be a safer way to get to know someone. I signed up on one of the internet dating sites and uploaded some pics...filled out their surveys, the "about me" stuff, the profile blurb.  Whew.  (It was after 2 days of toiling over what to say in my profile that I thought maybe this internet dating is NOT worth the hassle!)  I wish I would have listened to myself and just left a half finished profile...but noooooooooo, not me...I am persistent and had to prove that I have the stamina to make it through this ordeal.  

So having finished my novela, I logged off the dating site.  Upon logging back in, I was bombarded by ALOT of potential suitors.  Just remember - NO ONE is that popular.  I know I am a catch but even when I was a 20-something hottie I didn't get that much attention. 


How to spot a scam artist giveaway number one - alot of scammers use a first name, say Jason, as their last name. Scam artists commonly use two first names and may forget what they told you their first name is. So they will say they are Jason Justin.

Giveaway number 2, many of these suitors are "God fearing" men looking for women to fear God with them.  Apparently the scam artists of the world believe that all Americans are over religious zealots.  Some are 100% centered around this theme.  Some even say they are looking for a woman to cook and clean and be there for them...in other words to wait on them hand and foot (NOT around MY house buddy).  Next blog I will share some of these profiles so you can see exactly what I'm talking about.


Giveaway number 3 -- does the person list any actual preferences in their profile?  All I can say is puleeeeeeeze -- If you don't have any preferences as to height, body type, hair color, education or religion that could be your problem.  I have some idea of the type of person the next "Mr. Right" is and I can assure you he also has an idea of who he is looking for. It is very noble indeed to be so open that you don't care about weight, body type, income, education, religion or political leaning but to have absolutely no preferences is not realistic.


The final lesson for this blog, giveaway number 4 is that these fake profiles, mostly Nigerian scam artists, are running rampant in the internet dating world.  I am amazed at how many of them claim to be in the construction or jewelry business and may claim they travel extensively.



So there you have blog number one. Just a little taste of the internet dating world... I will be sharing more with you in the coming year.  Until then...read, read and re-read those dating profiles people and note NOT one of them has said Must Love Dogs. Where is John Cusack when you are logged on???